Loneliness in a Big World

Loneliness is a global epidemic, affecting people of all ages. Everyone will experience some type of loneliness during their lifetime, and in a world that seems more disconnected than ever, this loneliness is worsening. According to the American Psychological Association, loneliness is defined as “affective and cognitive discomfort or uneasiness from being or perceiving oneself to be alone or otherwise solitary” [1]. Loneliness can develop from a variety of factors, including anxiety, change in relationships, and change in environment, and can lead to depression, increased anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. At every stage of life, there are big changes that require people to adjust and fight feelings of loneliness.  

The Effects of the COVID-19 Pandemic 

The COVID-19 pandemic was one of the most isolating events in recent history. During this time, no one was allowed to leave their homes, interact with their friends, go to work, or even go to school, leaving many in complete isolation. There was even isolation within homes, between the healthy and the sick. One research article says that COVID-19 “increased loneliness in the general population through the isolating effects of lockdown and restrictions on activities” [2]. COVID hit especially hard for those going through major life transitions, like college students. The transition from high school to college is an incredibly fragile time, where everything is changed and new. The sudden change of the pandemic led to compounding effects of loneliness and isolation in an already uncertain time. Now, many of these college students struggle with social skills, depression, and anxiety due to the loneliness that they experienced during the pandemic. Even as research about this period of loneliness becomes increasingly apparent, little has been done to resolve these issues. How can college students and others impacted by loneliness overcome these feelings and find peace?  

My College Transition 

I first attended Vanderbilt in August 2021, just after the height of the COVID-19 pandemic. As a first year, first generation student, I often felt alone as I entered college with no one to turn to for advice. Nashville is far from my home in Nevada, making it difficult to connect with family during a turbulent time in their lives. As I arrived at Vanderbilt, I struggled to establish new connections, especially as an introvert. This led to extreme loneliness during my first year of college—loneliness that developed into depression. College is four of the most formative years of a student’s life, but this means that the transition to college is not only a challenge for first year college students, but also throughout the four years of being there. As researcher Dr. Moeller from Middlebury College states, 

“While much attention is paid to the beginning of this transition, particularly the challenges experienced by first year students (Bruffaerts et al., 2018; Wouters et al., 2013) the challenges continue beyond the first year. Aldiabat, Matani, & Navenec, (2014) argue that college students experience dual transitional stressors, transitioning to college while also transitioning from adolescence into adulthood. While the first-year stressors can add to mental health burdens, Beiter et al., (2015) found fourth year students had even higher rates of mental health burdens. This period of multiple transitions for many students is marked by the onset of depression and anxiety (Ibrahim, Kelly, Adams, & Glazebrook, 2013; Mortier et al., 2017; Price, McLeod, Gleich, & Hand, 2006)” [3].

Put simply, loneliness does not only impact first-year students, but can also affect seniors as they approach another, sometimes even more challenging, major life change. But if this depression, anxiety, and loneliness comes at all major life stages we face, what can really be done to overcome it?

Causes and Effects of Depression 

Depression can sometimes develop from extreme loneliness, leaving students “feeling sad, irritable, empty and/or hopeless, losing interest or pleasure in activities they once enjoyed, and feeling worthless or excessively guilty” [4]. In some cases, it seems that “the increases in adolescent loneliness and depression–beginning around 2012– may be linked to the increasing use of digital media such as smartphones and social media” [5]. In this new age of media, people are chronically online, limiting their physical interactions with others. The cause of depression and anxiety goes deeper than merely going through life transitions—it is formed by how we interact with the world. As humans, we need physical interaction with others to ensure a healthy mind and positive life. But how do we do this when it is so difficult to connect with others, especially during the busyness of college?  

Among the solutions offered to resolve this social epidemic have been the practices of gratitude, participating in meaningful activities, or self-reflection on your good qualities, all forms of “connecting with yourself” [6]. However, these suggestions often fall short. For example, during my season of depression, my attempts to practice gratitude were futile. Every day my list grew shorter and shorter. I tried to do meaningful activities like going on walks or exercising, but some days I simply could not get out of bed. I tried to remember I was unique and connect with myself, but doubt would set in. Instead, I was left with more questions: Am I really unique? If others can do what I am doing, why am I special? Most days I did not even recognize the person in the mirror– she looked like a stranger. The simple tasks of getting up to go to the bathroom, taking a shower, eating a meal were challenges. I wanted to get better, and I wanted to be happy, but how was I supposed to go from debilitating depression to functioning normally?  

Leaning on the Lord 

For me, I turned to the Lord. I found comfort in Isaiah 41:10 [7], which says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” I had tried to follow others’ advice on how to fix my depression through self-care, volunteering, exercising, and making new friends, but those were temporary fixes. While I would feel better for most of the day after doing one of those activities, that high quickly left at night. I was left in my room with my thoughts and nothing to silence them. In those moments I knew that I needed a steady and lasting form of peace, which I found in the unconditional love of God.  

My relationship with God was the only thing strong enough to save me from the pit of depression. It was not until I was able to talk to trusted fellow Christians that I finally felt fully seen and understood. These friends stuck with me in my suffering, and did not give cliche solutions, but led me back to God, helping me understand that He never leaves my side. By pointing me to the Bible and praying with me through my depression episodes, they helped me slowly get better as I leaned on God more than I ever had in my life. I would start each morning by filling my mind with truths about God’s unconditional love and His plan for my life. When I would feel sad and lonely throughout the day, I would listen to music about God’s love and peace. Before I went to bed, when I was left alone with my thoughts, I would write down my feelings and ask God to heal my broken heart. While God held my hand throughout every part of my day, I still wondered: why would God put me through these painful experiences?  

Suffering in the Bible  

Just as God was constantly with me in my depression, the Bible does not shy away from talking about depression. One of the most prominent men in the Bible, King David, is known for having a close relationship with God. Still, he experienced extreme sadness. Not only did he experience those heavy emotions, but he talked to God about it. In the book of Psalms David writes, “Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll— are they not in your record?” [8] David cries out to the Lord in stark honesty about his misery. Moses and Elijah, other faithful followers of God, expressed to Him that they preferred to die than live in their current reality [9]. Through their tears they also worshiped the Lord and reminded themselves of God’s love and peace. Amid this, God did not shame them for these feelings or manipulate them into thinking that they were not real. Instead, He met them with love and help. Discovering this helped me understand that I was not alone in my suffering. Still, I was still left wondering: why would God allow this suffering to happen to His people?  

This is something that Christians and non-Christians alike struggle to understand. Many Christians have wrestled through this question and often point to the biblical book of Job. In this book, Job faces immense suffering after suffering and amazingly maintains his devotion to God. Despite Job’s friends and family telling him to curse God, Job continues to stay faithful while also crying out in mourning. Yet, even Job did not fully understand why God had allowed all his pain. What Job understood was that he did not need to fully understand the situation because he knew and trusted the one who did. Through this suffering, Job came out with stronger faith and trust in God. This is a hard story for even Christians to believe in, but it ultimately shows that God works all things for our good.  

Experiencing God’s Love 

It was difficult to believe that God works all things for my good. I struggled to transition between high school and college, because I grew up caring for my three younger siblings. As I looked forward to freedom and respect and prepared for college, I received a lot of guilt-tripping as I battled to find joy each day. I cried every night to God, found resources, and went to therapy to seek help. While I often felt helpless, God granted me a much-answered prayer: my now husband. Through my husband’s care, I was constantly encouraged to seek God and reminded of who He is.  

In the book of John, Jesus says, “I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth, you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart because I have overcome the world” [10].  Jesus has overcome the world. There will still be trials and sorrows, but Jesus is eternal. When I was lost in darkness, this verse led me back to God repeatedly. My friends would pray this verse over me when I was lost in the darkness, showing me that God protected me even when I did not think He was there. If it weren’t for the community grounded on the love of Christ that I have, I would be stuck in darkness.  

Loneliness, sadness, and anxiety are feelings we all feel sometimes. The best way that I have found to overcome this suffering is leaning on God, whose everlasting love never changes. Relying on other humans will always lead to disappointment because humans are flawed and will fail each other. However, I believe that God never fails. Throughout the Bible, He delivered people out of the trenches and from loneliness. The communities we are part of can keep us in the darkness or bring us to light. Are you surrounding yourself with people who bring you to the light?

References

1. “Apa Dictionary of Psychology.” American Psychological Association. Accessed October 30, 2024. https://dictionary.apa.org/loneliness.  
2. Patulny, Roger, and Michael Bower. “Beware the ‘Loneliness Gap’? Examining Emerging Inequalities and Long-Term Risks of Loneliness and Isolation Emerging from COVID-19.” Australian Journal of Social Issues 57 (2022): 562–83. https://doi.org/10.1002/ajs4.223. 
3. Moeller, R. W., and M. Seehuus. “Loneliness as a Mediator for College Students’ Social Skills and Experiences of Depression and Anxiety.” Journal of Adolescence 73, no. 1 (2019): 1–13. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2019.03.006. 
4. “What Is Depression?” Psychiatry.org – What Is Depression? Accessed October 30, 2024. https://www.psychiatry.org/Patients-Families/Depression/What-Is-Depression.  
5. Twenge, Jean M., Jonathan Haidt, Amie B. Blake, Camille McAllister, Hannah Lemon, and Andrea Le Roy. “Worldwide Increases in Adolescent Loneliness.” Journal of Adolescence 93, no. 1 (2021): 257–69. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.adolescence.2021.06.006. 
6. 4 steps to walk away from loneliness | mclean hospital, July 13, 2023. https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/loneliness.  
7. Isaiah 41:10 NLT 
8. Psalms 56:8 NLT 
9. GotQuestions.org. “Home.” GotQuestions.org, April 3, 2014. https://www.gotquestions.org/Christian-depressed.html.  
10. John 16:33 NLT