A Family Kindled by Faith

Meltdown in the Home

In a world with with access to so many internet resources, YouTube channels, and philosophies that support the idea that we can develop a properly virtuous person simply through either self-experience or nature such as those of Aristotle or Jean-Jacques Rousseau, many people have come to believe that the problem of dysfunction in the family is a systematic error of human behavior, thereby making young people especially fearful to bring a family into this world. On top of bringing a family into the world, there is also the question of what morals and values you will raise your kids to follow. 

As a Christian, I believe there is something tragic about the disconnect between the family and the church. What drives a mother to sing psalms in praise of the Lord at church only to afterwards complain to her children about their scholastic performance at the dining table rather than enjoy the moment of dining together? Where does dad come in when he’s busy working overtime on the weekends prioritizing the next research conference instead of making time for prayer with his family? These are not isolated situations for the modern family but are becoming more commonplace. Many have seen this dysfunction within the family and given up hope, seeing no way to break free of the generational cycle of families growing increasingly distant and hostile in the very place where deep relationships should be safely formed. What hope then does Christianity have to offer in restoring the beauty of the family and healing its many emotional scars?

Healing Through Forgiveness: The First Step

Christians believe in the power of a ‘domestic church’ not only as a way to educate children, but to unify and heal the family as a whole. This ‘domestic church’ is built up by parents who are able to love their children unconditionally in the household while simultaneously disciplining them and granting them forgiveness. The latter point is a reflection of what Jesus taught his disciples with respect to forgiveness: “Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” [1] In all situations, parents and children must be ready to forgive one another, though both parents and children have their respective flaws which should not be denied if they come out. Thus, granting forgiveness in our families as Christ does transforms a distanced household into a properly loving home.

What comes next for the creation of the ‘domestic church’ is an education in the faith for the children of the household. This is where Christians develop three main foundational pillars of education; those of moral virtue, faith, and prayer; so that the home is transformed into a reflection of the church.

Education of Moral Virtue

To give an example of the importance of moral virtue, consider Stoic philosophy as championed by Cato the Younger in Cicero’s On Moral Ends. The Stoics’ argument insists that all the things we have in life, including possessions, pleasures, good health, wealth, and more, are only intermediate goods that can contribute to moral actions, which are the only good things in life. [2] These intermediate goods are things we should reject in and of themselves, but can be transformed into opportunities to do good for others. A father who likes to bike in his free time could easily be frustrated because of his responsibility to be present to his children when he is home from work. Rather than let himself be overcome by frustration to the point of lashing out at his children for demanding so much of his time, he ought to use his passion for biking to play with them, draw closer to them, and teach them the importance of trusting their father to catch them if they lean over too far.

In a similar manner, Christian moral virtue remedies turbulence in the family by providing a guide that can make parents and children more Christ-like. One of the predominant virtues to share is wisdom, best exemplified by the wisdom contained in the Ten Commandments given to Moses. These Commandments have been passed down countless generations to the present day and have continuously been taught and utilized as a guide to morality. They carry the message of loving others as one would love God, thus Christians treat others as they would treat God if He were standing right in front of them. Just as Christians were commanded to not bear false witness against our neighbors [3], so too should family members not lie to each other when they have made a personal mistake. The call from God to “repent therefore, and turn back, that your sins may be blotted out” [4], is a good parallel to how Christians believe that a family member’s first instinct ought to be to say sorry before being forgiven, followed by obedience to the commandments. As can be seen, the ‘domestic church’ creates harmony in the home in reflecting the traditional church’s harmony with the kingdom of God.

The wonderful possibilities of the education of children on moral matters, however, can unfortunately just as easily become corrupted. There are Christian parents who get so carried away with this desire to teach their children right from wrong that they overlook the purpose of the education in the first place; to ultimately grow a child’s relationship with God. A parent can proudly boast to their friends how their son or daughter knows not to steal, but if this virtue came as a result of the parent imposing harsh drilling on the child, then the child only learned the virtue out of fear of authority rather than learning it for its God-given worth. Consequently in this example, there’s no true belief in the value of not stealing. Fear of authority in the family will carry over to fear of God’s authority if such an instance becomes habitual without remorse on the part of the ‘loving’ parent. This, I believe, is the heart of the ultimate failure of teaching moral virtue alone without the faith to accompany it to overcome deceptive actions and motives.

Education of Faith and Prayer

An education of faith means initiating children into a Christian life and that of the church. The most prominent way this is accomplished is through children witnessing the faith of the family. This is not limited to going to church together on Sundays. The ‘domestic church’ shines in creating imitations of the love that Jesus bore for the world through his time on Earth when he went out teaching and healing. The healing is the powerful reassurance for the teaching. Likewise a mother can bring comfort to their child by placing a band-aid over their scraped knee cap whenever they trip and fall.

Of note is the effect that faith can make on a child’s conviction to do something they’re unfamiliar with and need a heart-deep understanding of. After all, it would be reasonable for a child to fear riding a tall and rapidly spinning wheel at an amusement park until they see their parents being spun around on it (safely, of course). In a similar way, the responsibility of Christian parents to demonstrate faith in Jesus through prayer plays a pivotal role in becoming good role models for their children; guiding them through prayer and answering their questions on how to communicate with God are two roles Christians should adopt for their children. Faith and prayer work together. Teaching children how to cultivate their own relationship with God, just as Christian parents have, is a lasting gift. Christians believe that the advantage of prayer is its transcending nature to help both individuals and the whole family simultaneously. For the individual, the person becomes more intimate with God through taking time out of their day to be in His presence. For the family, faith is altogether strengthened and the family is made more cohesive in their shared beliefs. Therefore, Christians believe that education in prayer is the foundation of trust in God for which the ‘domestic church’ gains its reinforcement in creating children of God and a loving, unified family.

A Heartwarming Home

To me, there’s something beautiful about imagining a family coming together after Sunday mass for a barbeque in the lawn for lunch and saying a quick prayer over the meal. The transition from church to the home is seamless and comforting altogether. This image is not one that is easy to accomplish, granted, but Christians believe that through the power of faith in Christ they do not have to settle for merely being another link in the chain of family dysfunction. The establishment of one’s own ‘domestic church’ gives a powerful perspective of how one individual through the faith can end the chain with healing in the family. Wonderful fruit is possible to bear for the kingdom of God in living in the ‘domestic church’ that Christians have created and continued to refine over many years. As a Christian, breaking the habit of family dysfunction is a legacy worth fighting for.

1. Luke 17:3-4.
2. Cicero, and Julia Annas. On moral ends. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press, 2001. pp 67-91.
3. Exodus 20:16.
4. Acts 3:19.